Why You Shouldn't Like "Twilight" (or at least why you shouldn't be in love with Edward Cullen)

Unless you have been living under a rock or perhaps in Iraq you know that "New Moon," the second book in the "Twilight Saga" to become a movie, is all the world seems to be talking about. Even those who refuse to see the movies or read the book know what Team Edward and Team Jacob are (besides stupid). I am not a fan of "Twilight." Not only am I not a fan, I abhor it. When I first read the books, I was excited about them. Then I let them sink in a little bit, then I saw the first movie. I couldn't believe how I missed the undertones of domestic violence--I must have been preoccupied with that whole abstinence thing.

As a card-carrying womanist with a BA in women's and gender studies (and awesomeness), I've gone on many a rant to whomever will listen about my feelings toward the unhealthy relationships displayed in Stephenie Meyer's novels. In a recent email to my young teenage cousin, I said that the "Twilight" craze made me crazy, she asked if I had even read the books. "They're so romantic!" she explained. I was compelled to write back, explaining to her why Bella and Edward's relationship is anything but romantic, except for romanticizing domestic abuse. Here's what I wrote to her:

The love story in "Twilight" concerns me. In many ways, the relationship between Bella and Edward is a very unhealthy, emotionally abusive relationship. Even though Edward protects her from physical harm and leaves her because he's afraid to hurt her, emotional abuse is very real and can leave scars, too.

A couple years ago, I took some time off of college and worked as a counselor at a domestic violence center, so I saw first hand what abusive relationships are like. Edward displays a lot of the same warning flags of a potential abuser that I explained to the women I counseled at the domestic violence center. Edward stares at Bella and makes her uncomfortable, he follows her around without her knowing about it, he drives too fast, he threatens to kill himself if anything happens to her, he isolates Bella from her friends and family and he controls everything she does. Think about it this way--would you really like that if your boyfriend did the things that Edward does? I know, in the book he's a vampire which makes it kind of cool, mysterious and romantic. But what if in real life you met someone that treats you exactly like Edward treats Bella? Do you think it would be as romantic? Or do you think you'd be uncomfortable with it? How would you feel if someone were watching you sleep without your permission? Edward also makes Bella cover up what happened to her in the first book by telling everyone that she fell down the stairs. Battered women constantly make up excuses to cover up why they have scars and bruises.

Battered women also make excuses for why their abusers hurt them. Bella and Edward don’t have the only unhealthy relationship in the novels; there is one on La Push as well. Leah makes excuses for Sam. She has scars all over her face from when Sam attacked her after he morphed because he wasn't able to control his temper. Leah explains that he can't help it, it's just who he is and he feels bad about it. If one of your friends had a boyfriend that beat her so badly that she was left permanently scarred, what would you think if she told you that "he can't control it sometimes, that's just who he is. He feels really bad about it and will try really hard never to let it happen again"? Yes, I know that "Twilight" is fantasy, so it's not supposed to be entirely like real life. But the books promote the idea that it's okay for women to be submissive to their men and to tolerate both physical and emotional abuse.

Bella's relationship with Edward versus Jacob is another interesting point of contention. Yes, it's nice when your boyfriend gets a little jealous--it means he likes you and wants you all to himself. But Edward takes it way too far. If you're in a relationship, you should be allowed to be friends with whomever you want. You should be able to go wherever you'd like, whenever you'd like. A boyfriend (or girlfriend) should not control your life. Even when Edward leaves Bella, she allows him to control her emotions.

There are four blank pages representing four blank months where Bella doesn’t do anything because she was so heartbroken. I promise you, no one is worth that. Bella isolates herself from her friends and family for months because the boy she liked moved away. Then, she partakes in life-threatening activities because it somehow makes her feel closer to Edward. Again, no man is worth risking your life the way she does. Bella is either trying to hurt herself to get Edward's attention or try something extremely dangerous to forget the pain of losing him. Alcohol and drug use are also risky and dangerous behaviors that can create the feelings that Bella has after she jumped off the cliff and rode the motorcycle. Last weekend, a girl I went to high school with died from a drug overdose. I know that Stephenie Meyer isn't telling her readers to use drugs or cliff dive, but she is promoting risky behavior to as a way to escape problems.

I would be lying to you if I told you I didn't enjoy reading the books. Parts of the story are exciting. I've always liked vampires; they're my favorite monster. They're sexy and mysterious--no wonder there's a vampire show on every channel these days! I grew up loving “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” I wasn't crazy about the way Stephenie Meyer changed vampire lore--but that's one of the freedoms she has an author. At least in the books, the vampires shine like diamonds, whereas in the movies they shone like a tube of body glitter. I also liked the way Meyer gave each vampire a special ability. Finally, I enjoyed that she made Bella an average teenage girl. There is nothing super special about her, so it makes readers able to relate to Bella more easily. We're all kind of clumsy, right? However, Bella isn't a likeable character.

When Bella moves to Forks, she is immediately the star of the school. Everyone girl wants to be her friend and every boy wants to date her. She's not nice to any of them though. She'd rather obsess over the guy in her biology class who was super rude to her on the first day they met and then didn't show up to school for a week. When Edward moves away in "New Moon" Bella stops talking to everyone. She ignores her friends; she's even rude when they try to be friendly. Yes, her heart was broken. But she mopes and is sad and boring. That doesn't make me like her very much, nor does it make me want to see her win in the end.

I first picked up the books a couple of years ago because I kept hearing about this Edward Cullen guy. At first, he does seem perfect. He loves Bella so much and wants to protect her and is so romantic with everything he does for her. However, Edward Cullen doesn't exist. To be honest with you, I'm glad he doesn't. Relationships are partnerships. Both people have an equal part. Edward treats Bella like she's a fragile, precious thing. Because of "Twilight," millions of young women across the globe idealize a relationship that does not empower the female protagonist. It isn't until the final book that Bella shows any sort of agency and ability (or desire) to defend herself. Before, she was willing to let a man (either Edward or Jacob) take care of her.

Every woman should be treated with respect. Women also need to respect themselves. Bella doesn't. Her entire life revolves around Edward from the moment they meet. It's okay to be totally in love and love being with your significant other. I love my boyfriend very much, and I think about him all the time. However, I have not lost anything about myself. I'm Erin, with or without Tommy. Bella completely loses herself with Edward. Without him, she is nothing. Her boyfriend becomes her identity. No man should absorb your individuality, nor should everything about you become him. That's not a healthy, equal relationship. It scares me that smart young women all over the world are infatuated with a character who is one half of a very unhealthy relationship.

I'm going to skip over the part where Jacob is destined to marry Bella's baby. That part really gives me the creeps.

My opinion about the "Twilight" craze comes straight from the books. Besides the books, the movies just aren't any good. I could go on and on, but in a nutshell, they're poorly acted, directed, edited and filmed. Robert Pattinson is weird looking and Kristen Stewart just seems bored all the time both on and off the screen. I don't understand why everyone worships them. I agree with you, about the minor actors being more likeable. Kellan Lutz was fun when he was on the show. He went out in the audience and shook hands and gave hugs during a commercial break. Peter Facinelli (Dr. Cullen) was on the show yesterday, and he seemed nice and excited to be there. Of course the lead actors like Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are going to get the most tabloid attention. That makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that I can go to the mall and buy an umbrella with Edward Cullen's face on it. His weird, ugly face.  

I'm sorry for going on so long. I hope you're not mad at me. I just don't want my awesome, smart, funny, beautiful cousin (YOU) to think that the story in the "Twilight Saga" is what love should be like. I really feel like "Twilight" promotes unhealthy and abusive relationships, even though it's a fantasy series. Love is supposed to make you happy. Bella and Edward never seem happy together. They're always upset because they can't be together or in danger. While running away from killer vampires is exciting, Bella and Edward don't seem to be in love for the right reasons. You fall in love with someone because they make you happy, not miserably depressed. You love someone because they understand you, not because they can't figure you out since they're so used to reading minds and yours is the only one they can't. Finally, you don't fall in love with someone if it's possible that they could kill you at any moment's notice because of their out of control animal or vampire urges. Love is a balance, a partnership. Both people should be equal. Both people should be happy. I'm not saying that love is easy, but it certainly shouldn't put your safety, comfort or life at risk.

I actually haven't sent this to my cousin yet. Because she lives on the other side of the continent, I've only ever seen her a few times and we're just now beginning to have a relationship as she's getting a little bit older. I don't want to screw it up by throwing this at her all at once. In my last email, I explained that I had written something for her about "Twilight," but I didn't want to send it to her yet--I wanted to give her the option.

For more information regarding domestic violence, please read this.