His authority on life quickly lost credibility however. I was babysitting him and his younger brother when he asked me took me over to a children's website designed to help kids under 10 learn to read. When describing myself, after designating my gender (the socially constructed one), skin color, mouth shape (laughing) and hair color ("I would say orange. No, no, yellow," said the little boy calling me a ginger) I had the chance to pick out the shape of my eyes and add face accessories. He then asked me to wear a mask. The only two options are glasses or a mask. I didn't think twice about it until an hour later.
After playing with Lincoln Logs, coloring and eating pizza, the older brother said to me that I should wear heels. I said sorry and pointed my Chucks under the kitchen table, "I only have those, buddy." He then suggested I wear his mother's.
I refused, saying that his mother's shoes would be too small for me. Although I do have freakishly small feet and probably could have fit into her pumps even if she is about 5 inches shorter than me. No, my first thought was "ew, OMG, what if someone tried on MY shoes when I wasn't around?" Because that is CREEPY.
The little bugger kept pushing it, and came to me with a pair of open-toed heels. He then asked me to take off my socks and put the shoes on. That's when I felt the most uncomfortable. I asked him why he'd want me to do that. He looked at his suddenly-pigeoned toes and he pouted, "I like it."
Who can reference me some Freud, because I know he had something to say about that.
So, this kid clearly has some stuff to deal with, and thus he cannot pass any judgement regarding my dialectical anomalies. However, it remains for me to reiterate that it had been little over a week that I was initially criticized for my adjective usage. Am I really that off in what to call pizza without any toppings?
I have lived in North Jersey, Alabama, North Carolina and SEPA (Southeastern Pennsylvania--I've been trying to make it work since I was 17). I was born in Southern California. Also, my mother is Canadian and my father grew up in Philadelphia, so my accent is both neutral and strange. I realize that half of the things that come out of my mouth are ridiculous, and have thus compiled a list of phrases and mispronounced words that frequent my dialogue. I have left out the hoagie/sub and jimmy/sprinkle debate for brevity's sake (because it's hoagie and jimmy, duh).
- Tin foil = aluminum foil
- Melk = milk
- Oatside = outside
- Wooder = water, but mostly referring to water ice
- Hohme = home
- y'all = you all
- crick = creek
The moral of the story is that I should either order pepperoni from now on, or eat less pizza.
I leave you with this:
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