King of Beers? Kiss my ass.

Last night was one of the best New Year's Eves on record; however, that isn't saying too much. I had a lovely dinner with AP and Lil D, then I went over to M's for celebrations. I didn't know a soul besides M and J and a former employee whom I left shaking in his boots (I didn't know I was so scary). Midnight arrived while I was in the attic with 10 strangers. We wished each other a happy 2009 and continued on our merry way. My plan was to leave around 12:30am, but the following rant on Budweiser kept me a half hour longer.

I didn't catch his name, but a young man that was at the party who was related to the boyfriend of someone's cousin began a hilarious soliloquy on the piss-water that is Budweiser beer. He stood only an inch or two taller than me, with dark jeans and a grey hoodie under his navy peacoat. He wore a red plaid scarf around his neck and his skullcap remained on his head for the duration of the party because it was so damn cold last night. He was not sober, so his dark brown eyes were not entirely in focus and his words were slightly slurred as they rolled off his cocoa mouth. He had a bottle of Budweiser in his hand and after a particularly long sip, he looked at it and said, "this tastes like water!"

M's adorable photography editor housemate walked by and said, "everyone is starting to think their alcohol is water, welcome to the new year!" I tried not to swoon too obviously, that kid is just so damn cute. Apologies for my digression.

"No seriously, this shit tastes like water. Give me a real beer, dammit. Guinness, Heineken, Corona, anything other than Budweiser." He took another sip, smacked his lips and looked at the bottle. "Really, it tastes like funny water. It tastes like project water. You know when sometimes the water goes bad in the projects?"

I looked at who he was talking to: a 19yo white girl from Ohio, a 22yo white guy from Jersey, and me, a 20something white girl from the suburbs of Philly. So, it was a good thing he continued with the story, rather than waiting for a response to whether or not we know what bad project water tastes like, because clearly none of us knew.

"Now why on earth would I pay to drink funny project water when I can visit my family and get it for free? Budweiser, is this really the best you can do? King of Beers? Kiss my ass. This shit ain't king of anything."

His bottle was empty at this point, so he excused himself to get another.